Savannah is passionate about helping engaged and married couples struggling with trust, communication, sexual intimacy, intimacy anorexia, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma achieve the healthy, connected, and loving marriage they’ve always dreamed of.
These Key Questions Help You Recover (RO's inside!)
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There's a reason that most of America struggles with debt. America has a many issues that lead to this, however, our culture tends to be one that has the following messages:
However, those narratives (with the lack of education around finances) leads many Americans astray. How does this relate to recovery? Here's how.... Can you:
If you struggle with any of the above, you're likely to struggle with recovery. So, let's play a game to identify needs versus wants: Scenario 1: You have a job that requires you to get a car and you go car shopping and find this amazing luxury car that you fall in love with. Is the luxury car a need or a want? Answer: A want. The need is a car, which means ideally, you're buying it outright, which most likely means you're not buying the luxury car, but rather the economy car that will last you years and cost you way less in maintenance. Scenario 2: You know that recovery is important, and as you do your monthly budget, you're running the numbers and see that you spend $500/month on take out and you think, "I can't afford recovery as there's no room in my budget" Is take out a need or a want? Is recovery a need or a want? Answer: Take out is a want and recovery is a need. That $500/month now can be reallocated to the need to recover versus the luxury of take out. I could do this all day, and some of you may already be great at distinguishing needs versus wants, while other's may have never asked that question. ---> Recovery Opportunity: Each time you make a purchase, ask yourself is whether it's a need or a want. Just by taking a pause, you will reduce your spending because you're conscious of it. ---> BONUS Recovery Opportunity: Each time you were going to spend on something, take that money and put it in a high yield savings account, and see at the end of the month how much money you saved, simply by reallocating the money. Another strategy for those who impulse shop, say on Amazon, or another big company, put whatever items you're interested in into your cart and then wait at least 24 hours before you make the purchase. Go back to your cart after 24 hours and evaluate the following:
We've already established needs versus wants. Needs are the following: Shelter Food and water Safety Transportation Wants are: Mega mansion versus a humble house or apartment Take out every day over grocery shopping Buying the insane security system that costs thousands versus spending on a starter security system to get you going A Honda or Toyota versus that BMW or Audi you were eyeing The next two questions on whether you can afford it and whether you can afford not to get it are very important. The first question: Can I afford it This goes to physical items. This is about the coffee maker, car, house, table, etc. Physical items can require maintenance, so being able to have enough money to just buy the item only covers you for a short time. So having a buffer of 2-5x the price of the item can ensure you can afford it in the long-run. The second question: Can I afford not to do this? This is about the non-tangible things in life:
Basically it's about your physical and mental wellness. Recovery (to me) is a no brainer. You can't afford not to recover. Recovery is an investment in yourself to make your life better now so you can achieve the amazing things you want to that are impossible to do in active addiction. Scenario 1: You have been feeling really dizzy for the past couple of months and exhausted and tell yourself it's nothing. Can you afford not to go to the doctor? Answer: Probably not. If something has been occurring for months on end, it's better to be safe than sorry and spend the money now versus spend however many thousands upon thousands if it were indeed something serious that could have been prevented. Scenario 2: You've been addicted to porn for 15-25 years now and your partner discovered your secret. You say you can do it on your own.... and then months go by and your partner has watched you avoid recovery and do essentially nothing that yields long-term change. Can you afford not to invest money and time in your recovery? Answer: No, unless you're content with staying where you are in life and losing the relationship (and kids) you have. These questions will help you save money, live in alignment with your values and priorities. In the end, only you can make those decisions and your bank account, if you look at that statement, will reveal a lot about your priorities. ---> Recovery Opportunity: Top Priorities I give this one to all my clients, and I'll give this to you. Write out your top 10 priorities in your life. Example:
It should be very specific, versus grouped (i.e. family, friends, etc.). Then once you've written out your priorities list, over the next month track to see if what you wrote down matches reality in terms of your time and money you're investing. If there were any mismatches at the end of the month, then you can assess whether it really is a priority or not. If you want it to be, you'll ask yourself "what must be true for this to be a reality?" and reverse engineer it. Enjoy your Friday and the RO's! And as always, you can schedule a complimentary Meet & Greet session with me to see if private coaching with me is a good fit (I do have limited sliding scale spots available if needed), or you can schedule for the weekly recovery coaching groups! Savvy |
Savvy Esposito
Savannah is passionate about helping engaged and married couples struggling with trust, communication, sexual intimacy, intimacy anorexia, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma achieve the healthy, connected, and loving marriage they’ve always dreamed of.
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