Savannah is passionate about helping engaged and married couples struggling with trust, communication, sexual intimacy, intimacy anorexia, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma achieve the healthy, connected, and loving marriage they’ve always dreamed of.
Important email on recovery (with Recovery Opportunities to do!)
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I 100% believe that recovery is possible for anyone who truly wants to recover. I also know from experience that when someone who wants recovery won't do "the thing" they need to do to recover, recovery halts. "The Thing" can look different depending on your history, addiction trajectory, and current situation. The Most Common Blocks (with Recovery Opportunities because I'm feeling extra generous!) Denial When one or both partners are in denial about something that will block progress. Whether it's denial there is an addiction, denial that the addiction did damage, denial that it won't impact the kids, etc.... denial is the enemy of recovery. ---> Recovery Opportunity: Ask yourself if you feel there is any denial in your life whether from yourself or your partner as well as what the denial is around? Then ask yourself what it would mean for that thing to be accepted as true? Your Job I cannot tell you how many clients were doing amazing until they refused to let go of a toxic job. Clients would hit 1-2+ years clean and then they'd relapse because they stayed in a job that fed the addiction. This could look like:
Too many times the male recovering addict will choose their job (aka the addiction feeder) over themselves, their partners, and kids and lose it all. ---> Recovery Opportunity: Ask yourself if you job is having a negative impact and whether it is feeding the addiction in any way. If the job is feeding the addiction/trauma/dysfunction in any way, ask yourself what would happen if you got a new job? Doing Everything, But.... Chloe, my co-coach, and I often ask clients what are you willing to do to recover. When the client responds, "I'll do X, Y, Z, but I wouldn't do G," we know that the addiction is the priority. The reason Chloe and Cliff are hitting 10 years clean this summer and Jak and I are hitting 8 years clean this summer is because we did whatever it took to recover. We didn't make excuses, we were honest with ourselves, and we knew when we needed to make changes. It's the individuals and couples that actively decide to take shortcuts that often stay in the cycle of addiction and trauma. If you're not willing to do whatever it takes, the road will be longer, harder, and it's possible the marriage/family won't stay in tact. If you've looked at Knights & Warriors, I've often said this is the right program for you "if you're ready to move heaven and earth." Recovery takes commitment; that means it's the priority and it means doing things that are uncomfortable (which pushes you to grow!). ---> Recovery Opportunity: Ask yourself if you and/or your partner are making compromises in your recovery. Are you taking shortcuts? Are you half-assing it? Are you avoiding doing the hard thing? What would happen if you did do the thing you say you wouldn't do? All of the above have one thing in common..... feeding the addiction. This is why this newsletter is called "The One You Feed." If you're doing things in your day to day to feed the addiction, feed the trauma, feed the abuse.... the cycle will never end until you choose to end it. If you're feeding recovery, health, connection, safety, then you are making conscious and active choices to break the cycles of addiction, trauma, and dysfunction. I know this email is coming a bit early, and I'll be writing again this Saturday, but I just had to send this one out now! Here when you're ready, Savvy Esposito P.S. if you want to become a client, I only have 1 spot for traditional video coaching left and a couple of spots for email coaching left. If you're interested in working together, please schedule a free meet and greet where you can ask me questions and we can assess fit! |
Savvy Esposito
Savannah is passionate about helping engaged and married couples struggling with trust, communication, sexual intimacy, intimacy anorexia, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma achieve the healthy, connected, and loving marriage they’ve always dreamed of.
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